always and forever

2011-10-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

For some crazy reason,

I feel like it's time to move on again.

Away from blogger.

must be from blogging my first post at livejournal.

But this space is special,

Even though I'm not sure if angel dear still frequents this spot.

Recently, I have been doing crazy amounts of research on random things like food, lots of food. The number of recipes that I now want to accomplish is totally insane.

My two other top items to type into that friendly google search bar. Interior designing blogs. I love how the houses all look so pretty and together. I'm so envious! I promised myself to getting round to doing my room wall soon. After the packing of notes, clearing the table and throwing away the things that I have let pile up but are totally useless.

And of course, blogs that have pictures of travelling. I love pictures of streets in other countries, the nature there, the shophouses and just the beauty of other countries.

I want to travel ): now. with preferably my two best friends!

And today, I found out cafewriting re-opened. (: I don't submit, too ashamed of my really poor writing skills. But there's nothing I enjoy better then reading all the submissions.

2011-10-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

It's crazy but I just realized I miss blogging ):

I miss writing random things and typing stories.

I need to start writing soon.

Get my mojo back.

2011-09-11T02:07:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired of this, so so tired of this.

2011-09-11T02:06:00.001-07:00

i'm just never going to be good enough for you ever.

2011-07-19T09:16:00.000-07:00

I miss the words that used to flow so readily,

I miss the heart that used to be satisfied so easily,

I miss the smile that used to cover my face.

I miss the part of me that was so sure of your grace.

I miss the happiness that used to flood over me,

I miss how I could be me and not worry,

I miss your hugs that are such a comfort,

I miss being face to face and just laughing at our actions.

I miss how we could talk for ages about nothing.

I miss the telephone calls.

I miss, I miss, I miss,

I miss you best friend.

And I miss me, at least the old me.

2011-07-15T18:40:00.000-07:00

I was just reading a few different blogs,

and I realised that possibly I'm trying to hard to be someone I'm not.

And yet, I'm not so sure I know who I am.

At times, I want to be this super woman person,

in-charge and totally confident.

And yet, there are times I want to be this sad, depressed person.

But most of the time,

I want to revert back to the happy person I was.

The one that was happy where she was in life,

happy doing things, just being happy.

I scare myself.

Dear Jacqueline!

2011-07-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

Angel Dear,

for some reason, you are never on skype when I'm there.

You're not online when I'm online either.

You don't have a facebook account that I can talk to you through.

So we have gone almost forever without talking.

Thus, I am left with no choice but to send you this message through our blog,

for you to please reply me, asap.

I miss you, and it would be nice to talk to you soon.

okay?

much love

2011-06-29T20:29:00.000-07:00

I have had time to do some reflections,

well actually, i've had time to do reflections today.

I realized that for the longest time,

I've been struggling with who I am and who I want to be

And along the way,

I realized that there are numerous people in my life who I strive to become like

only to fall short of those expectations because they aren't me.

I'm still finding me,

i'm working on it,

but I've come to the conclusion that I'll grow into me

and that I really need to stop trying to be someone else

My latest attempt on writing

2011-06-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

Hello,

we are friends,

not good friends.

just friends

we talk about trivial random things

Sometimes,

I think you care

Sometimes.

Most of the time,

I wish you would.

It's crazy,

The way I want you to want me

The way I miss you when you don't miss me,

The way I wish you would love me,

when you don't even see me.

it's tiring.

I don't want this anymore.

So.

Goodbye.

Let us part ways and hope not to see each other again

2011-04-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to say anything anymore,

I'm not going to bother

since everything I say gets me a lecture

forget it

for you it's always objective

it's always you have had some experience

and maybe you have

the difference is it's family

that give you that bullshit answer

that we are supporting you

freaking rubbish.

you have never supported me in this

never.

all you have done while I took this up

is shake your head and tell me

it was not a good choice

to you,

my older sister is someone you have to protect

because she has gone through so much in life

fine yes she has,

who hasn't?!

but what's the point

it's not like anything I ever do is enough

i give up

have it your way

do it your way

THIS IS WHY I DON'T TALK TO YOU ABOUT ANYTHING

SURPRISE SURPRISE

2011-03-10T02:44:00.001-08:00

Is it weird to have always been happy

most of the time and suddenly always be sad

to wonder if it's okay

it's normal to want to sometime okay almost all the time

want to die

want to just stop

and have no will to live

have no drive to live

then again if it were normal,

I wouldn't be writing here

where no one comes

just to air my thoughts would I

I would have talked to someone.

but i'm not,

so it can't be normal.

and i'm not so sure I care that much.

2011-03-09T05:53:00.000-08:00

It's days like this that make me really irritated that I'm from this family.

You all don't know anything,

but you would willingly take another person's viewpoint.

seriously,

what the hell.

ALL YOU ALL KNOW HOW TO DO IS COMPLAIN

YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE VARIOUS PEOPLE

CONTACT THE FREAKING VARIOUS PEOPLE

YOU JUST SEE WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE

WHAT I CANNOT DO

THAT'S CALLED SUPPORT

OH THE IRONY.

2011-02-02T06:18:00.000-08:00

It takes two hands to clap,

I'm fighting for our friendship

you just don't seem to care

so now I'm asking you should I stop now?

because there is no point in me fighting for you

if you're never going fight for me.

We're friends, at least we were.

But I'm starting to lose faith that you actually see me as a friend

and that hurts because I put so much of me into our friendship

and you're treating it as if it is nothing.

If you don't value me,

then I'm not going to value you.

This little game friend, or possibly ex-friend is coming to an end whether you like it or not

I just don't want to care anymore

2011-01-27T20:46:00.000-08:00

I'm being terribly silly about this

or maybe just too sensitive,

You have many ideals, beliefs and values.

At some point I agree with them

at another,

I don't

but then you actions conflict so much with what you are saying

You don't realize anymore

that you're inflicting hurt

not the kind where a person realizes something and hurts over mistakes

but a your words hurt my feelings kind of hurt

You don't see that

I'm tired of you

I'm tired of your beliefs, values and thoughts.

I want to stop, I want you to stop

i don't want to do this anymore.

I'm tired.

you might be clear on where you stand,

at least you think you might.

but really your actions say something else entirely.

I'm not blaming you.

I'm just asking you to see the bigger picture

and recognize that words hurt a hell lot more then getting hit.

It's the new year.

2010-12-31T02:31:00.001-08:00

a new year is coming.

I just don't feel so much like welcoming it.

It's not, okay I don't know why.

Maybe it's school and the expectations.

Maybe it's choir and how I just don't know how

to live with myself as a leader.

And maybe it's just me, feeling defeated by me.

I can't find strength within me.

I feel so unaccomplished.

apprehensive about what to do.

And yes, I can blame people,

but at the end of the day.

It's me that can't live with me.

So it's the new year,

I face it with much fear,

anticipation.

But mostly, hope.

to be a better person.

2010-12-26T07:04:00.000-08:00

random drabble/ part of story.

2010-12-15T08:30:00.000-08:00

icanread.tumblr.com

Sweetheart, I can’t give you romantic moments that are written beautifully in words. But believe me, I will give you the moments you need to inspire those words.

Do you remember, I once promised you, that we’ll never get tired of each other, that’s because everyday, you show me something new.

I don’t know how else to say it, I want to be able to phrase it so that you’ll give me the answer that I want to hear.

Let me put it simply, remember when you stayed over at my house and we slept next to each other, when I woke up the next morning, staring at your sleeping face and thinking that you’re the only face I want to wake up to in the morning.

When we watched your cousin and her fiancé get married, and you turned to me and asked what kind of wedding I would want to have. Here’s my answer, I would have any wedding and any kind of wedding as long as you’re the person walking down the aisle and I’m the person that’s waiting at the end of the aisle.

Okay so let me end this monologue with the question I wanted to ask at the start of this conversation, would you marry me?

2010-11-17T02:36:00.000-08:00

new day, new decisions,

For every choice that is made,

there is a consequence that must be bore

it's time to stop running

stop regretting

live and learn.

2010-10-23T06:22:00.000-07:00

It's days like this that you really make me annoyed.

seriously, can't you just act your age?!

anyway, angel dearest. the person never got back to me!

I miss you!

go out soon? (:

2010-10-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

I cleaned the entire house all by myself today! great sense of satisfaction(:
I guess I am in a really good spring cleaning mood(: haha.
Anyway happy happy anniversary dear!(: XOXO

2010-10-12T02:28:00.000-07:00

I should stop procrastinating and get started on the essays.
Hopefully, can get my lecturer's approval for all of them(:
No more korean dramas for me! I can do it!

Angel dearie, I really hope you can get the job! and I can drop by to visit you!(: I love you! You can do it!(:

2010-10-06T00:30:00.000-07:00

so, school's out.

and after all the emo posts,

I decided there is a bit of a need for some happy thoughts

on the bright side, there are no more assignments for 3 months

need to find a job though! ):

plus I don't know how to get my grades,

I'm trying to decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

p.s. angel dear, I'm doing okay! (:

2010-09-29T05:43:00.000-07:00

I fear death,

I fear it, just like how I need air to breathe

I'm terrified every time I go to the doctor's

I'm scared he will tell me something has happened

I'm scared when I have headaches, muscle aches,

a slight pain, blood anywhere.

can you understand that?

you just get scared.

and I don't want to be the cause of that fear

but I need to see this in writing.

I hate blood tests,

I hate having to do them every other month

I hate that I go up in red spots.

I hate that I don't feel normal.

You can't understand that.

You can never understand that.

because you don't have that problem.

I do.

You're not in my position,

I am.

And I hate it.

I know people aren't given cross to big for them to carry.

but there are days, that it feels too big

too heavy, too difficult.

you can sympathize, but you can't understand that can you?

I'm scared. And you can't help me with that.

in the middle of nowhere part of a story in my head

2010-08-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

You see I have a problem, I did something stupid.

I fell in love with you and we are impossible.

we'll never happen.

I'm not telling you so that you can think of a solution.

No, I'm telling you because after today, I'm getting over you.

What I am saying is tomorrow, I will not remember being in love with you.

Don't ask me how,

Just know that it can be done.

Why am I doing this?

Because I'm selfish, I can't and won't be one of those tragic heroines

who advocate "if you are happy I am happy."

I'm being selfish, I'm going to forget you and all the pain loving you comes with.

I'm fighting for me.

Because I need to survive,

and loving you isn't surviving

2010-07-16T00:02:00.000-07:00

Do you know it pains me to see you so stressed?
We have chosen this path and it is not a mistake, it is for the better.
As long as we have each other, I am not afraid.
I am always here for you, will always be.
I will hold your hand and walk through all obstacles with you.
You are the best and the most outstanding in my eyes.
I will be your lover, friend and a listening ear.
Lets pursue our dream together.
And Happy Anniversary Dear!(:
I love you the owner of the white elephant!

You don't get to just leave and think it will be alright

2010-07-08T17:30:00.000-07:00

one year down the road,

and i find that I blame you,

maybe I always have,

When we had the wake,

I cried because it was sad.

When we were at the crematorium,

I cried because of the finality of it.

One year down the road.

And I cry,

because you chose this

and we the living

have to clean up this huge big mess that you create

and it's not fair.

I wish I could look at her

and not blame her for what has happened

not look at him and think he could have done better

not look at all three of them

and wonder what the heck were all of you thinking

because their laden with guilt,

their self hate, the sadness.

it's heartbreaking

and yet.

I still can't help but blame them

you chose this selfish path

you broke so many hearts doing what you did

so you don't get to leave

and think everything is going to be better.

because everything is not better.

because every year,

at this same time

I will have to go for a memorial service

and I shouldn't have too.

You shouldn't have chosen that path.

it's not fair.

Acceptance

2010-07-08T00:32:00.000-07:00

credits: weheartit

It's been 2 and a half weeks doing the degree program,

and the biggest take away I have gotten so far at least,

is that acceptance is hard.

I mean do I look at people differently

because they act differently, look differently,

in short don't fit the mould I have created.

The answer is yes.

How scary,

it's been a roller-coaster ride,

of too much readings, feeling drained.

but today,

it's a bit worst I guess,

I don't know exactly yet.

but i think today is going to be a crying day.

2010-05-06T08:06:00.000-07:00

I actually planned to go wild wild wet with B on monday but unfortunately it rained, so we decided to stay at home and play Resident Evil 5!(: It is fun and exciting but it wasn't that scary compared to L4D2. Have been playing too much, have to start studying soon! Back to books! I'm doing the module Retail Marketing now and this reminds me of shopping everytime I attend the lecture. The only module I look forward to compared to the rest. The rest are killers. B says I will do well in this module because I love shopping. ya right. haha.(: loveee.

I have my reasons, and you don't have to understand

2010-05-02T09:30:00.000-07:00

I'm being very silly about you,

cause we are friends.

and that's what I keep telling myself.

But, I don't know what I want from you,

I don't know how I feel about you.

So i'm ignoring you.

I don't say hi when we meet,

I don't wave unless you wave to me,

right in my face.

In short, you are invisible.

And I wish you actually are bothered by it,

but I know better then that.

I know a lot better then that,

you never ever start conversations with me,

and I won't be that stupid girl who keeps on clinging to things that aren't hers.

so yes, I've stop waiting,

because it's not going to happen.

and that's okay.

and you don't have to understand it,

because I do,

and that's all that matters.

2010-03-30T00:22:00.000-07:00

Reading your msg puts a smile on my face(:
I miss you baby!!

2010-03-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

EXAM = MAJOR FLOP

I really hate case study.
I am very depressed and disappointed.
oh god. please let me pass this paper.
on a happier note, baby brought me to Sakae Sushi as I was craving for some sushi.
thank you for your encouragement baby and trying to make me smile the entire day(: thank you for being by my side to take care of me and to cheer me up(:
thank you for being in my life, I think without you life will be colourless.
baby asked me to write down the places I want to go and the things I want to do, to keep my mind off the unpleasant exam. that is a pretty good idea! haha.
I should get started and hope for the best. <3<3

2010-03-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

I turned 20 today!(:

A big thank you to my family and my dearest cousins for celebrating this big day with me(: It was very heart-warming, it had been quite some time since we catch up with one another. I love the atmosphere, full of joy and laughter(: thank you for all the filled with love pressies, I know you all put in alot of effort(: we will forever be the five musketeers!(: I love you guys so much. The best birthday of my life will always be remembered.

Recently, I am addicted to the game traffic rush on my iTouch(: I managed to beat deardear!(: hahaha. He is kind of sad when he lost. haha. I still love you baby. you promise to bring me go to all the places I long to go after exams, you must keep your promise okay. I can't wait to go out with you!(: I want to fall in love with you all over again.

Thank you dear friends for all the wishes and messages. I love you all!(: meet up soon please(:

2010-02-08T06:23:00.000-08:00

Doing assignment has become a routine part of my life.
As the deadline is drawing near, I'm scared and happy at the same time.
I'm worried I am not able to do a good job but I will persevere. Happy, because I can't wait to go out! haha.
The lecturer praised B in class today. I'm so proud of you darling(:

2010-01-29T22:43:00.000-08:00

DEAREST ASM ASSIGNMENT, HERE I COME!!!!

the best advice ever

2010-01-25T05:27:00.001-08:00

credits:Icanread

Why love just isn't worth all that pain.

2010-01-21T03:47:00.000-08:00

credits:Weheartit

In our current day and age,

everyone is obsessed with this idea of love,

that having a special someone to be there for you is everything.

So maybe when I was younger,

I loved watching people in love/matchmaking people.

But lately, I have been thinking

What is the big deal about love?

Why does it have to come from this guy/girl?

What's so special about that?

I've never been in love

and I can safely say I never want to,

I might daydream once in a while

but that doesn't change anything

cause those are just dreams

love makes you weak.

love gives someone else this ultimate power over you.

and yes,

while there are people who are going to start giving me advice after this,

understand this first,

would it be wonderful to fall in love with this guy who is your prince charming?

yes, i'm sure it would.

but the question is at what cost are people doing that now?

Movies,books, advestisments.

they are all about falling in love and being happy after that.

that's a fantasy.

a really sweet but still a fantasy. it's not real.

you know what's the problem,

love is so widely advestised that it's not special anymore

it's just a need to feed someone's ego.

and i'm tired of people who keep telling me

to just open that door,

because maybe you're willing to get hurt like that,

let someone rip your heart into a million pieces

let someone hurt you like nothing has ever before.

but i'm not okay with that

so yes maybe i'm just not meant to fall in love.

because to me,

that mountain is too high a jump,

that gap across cliffs too far.

that bridge too shaky.

I promise you,

after this,

I will not ask you when your getting married/a girlfriend/a boyfriend

cause i'm tired of love.

I'm growing up and leaving that part of me behind.

no, I haven't fallen in love, don't panic

2010-01-17T07:24:00.000-08:00

Credits to fffound

I find it so weird that the colors are so bright and the message so sad.
but nevertheless I like it so I put it up.

P.S. when did avoiding you become so hard?

2010-01-14T05:58:00.000-08:00

we heart it

First post of the year,
and it's already mid jan.
oh my gosh.
I'm terribly late with my year end musings and new year goals
so i'll make this short.
Reflecting on the past year, I realised that alot of things that happened
I only have myself to blame,
I also have alot of blessing from god to be thankful for.
1. Thank you for being with me furing my stay in the Hospital for Dengue, for giving me that bible passage to tell me to trust in the Doctor. For getting my daddy to come just when I started feeling lonely and sad about being struck in A & E with no ward.
2. Thank you for the wheelock college approval letter (: I think that really made the year.
3. Thank you for giving me a wonderful family to support me through all my down times and to share my joy with
4. Thank you for fantastic friends who encouraged me and listened to me rant about silly silly things.
5. But most of all, thank you for being with me throughout 2009. (:

In 2009, i learnt more then anything that you reap what you sow. Yes, I admit, I have been incredibly lucky with alot of things. i'm saying that yes there have been so many times when I didn't work that hard but everything went right.
But this year, as graduation is coming and a new chapter begins,
I want to make the best of my own potential to grow more
not only spiritually but also personally.
Skills wise and knowledge wise.
I want to grow up now, and stop hiding behind the protective wings of other people.
This year, I want to do new things, fall and stand up and have the perservance to keep going when the going gets tough.
I want to finally finally see things through.
This year, I want to maximize me, valerie lim and be someone.

2009-12-19T04:59:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming and I'm falling sick. OH MAN.
Anyways back to school! Even though my lecturer is kinda strict but I love attending his lectures. His words motivate me, inspire me(: I just have to stay focused for one more year!(: I CAN DO IT!(: and I've to start writing my resolutions for 2010!

Am I being too sensitive?
Why am I having mixed feelings now?
Sometimes I wish I wouldn't care so much.
I care because you are important to me.
Show me you sincerely care for me too.

WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU.

2009-12-08T16:12:00.000-08:00

I'm in a happy mood,
goodness knows why.
maybe it's cause christmas is coming
and so are my holidays. (:
Valerie is going to Japan!

2009-12-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

YAYY! EXAMS ARE OVER!!(: FINALLY!
I've waited so long for this paper.
Angel dear, remember I called you and asked for your opinion whether to study 5 or 6 questions. I studied 5 eventually. Thank God 2 out of my 5 questions came out!(: but somehow I've heard the marker is very strict. 70 percent of the people who took this paper failed. Ohmygoodness. I'm not expecting much, I just hope to pass this paper. I really miss my dear friends so much and I need to go shopping badly. Shopping just makes me happy(: It takes negative things of my mind. Haha. and yes, school is starting in 2 weeks time. I just want to enjoy myself before school starts(: Brand new term, It is getting more and more tough and stress level getting higher and higher): This is so depressing. No matter what, I 've to stay positive!(: Brand new term, brand new me!(: Haha. I miss you B. Hurry back home to sunny island Singapore kay. Okay. enough of ranting. Off to bed. Goodnight!(: with love.

2009-11-10T04:50:00.000-08:00

I was happily reading my past blog,
and suddenly I realised it's been 2 years.
I miss me.
crazy as that sounds I really do.

the assignments and lack of motivation is getting to me. ):
valerie, you can do this.
you can do this!

2009-10-29T06:41:00.001-07:00

I’m trying to believe that there is a path to walk

I’m trying to tell myself that I will make it to the end,

But I fail, The road gets narrower and I fall

I wonder if I will make it.

And so here I am,

On my knees because I’ve fallen so many times

That I know without you to guide me,

I’m not going to have the strength to get up and continue

Because I know that if you’re not going to walk beside me

I won’t have the courage to carry on.

I’m at my wits end,

It probably isn’t right to make you my last option

But I believe that you will take pity on your child and carry me

Because I just can’t go on anymore.

I need you like the air to breathe.

And so here I am,

On my knees because I’ve fallen so many times

That I know without you to guide me,

I’m not going to have the strength to get up and continue

Because I know that if you’re not going to walk beside me

I won’t have the courage to carry on.

I need you, today,

Tomorrow and I know it may not seem so

But I do, I just forget to turn to you.

Help me lord,

I’m lost in this maze and everywhere I turn

It looks like a dead end.

I need you to guide me

I need you to tell me it’s going to be okay.

I need you to tell me,

I have a plan.

2009-10-28T00:31:00.000-07:00

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren’t as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Dear Sister,

this one is for you.

2009-10-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

Today is the second time deardear pillion me on his bicycle(: whee!!
Initially, I was a little scared but I am slowly getting used to it.
So just enjoy the ride!(:
I just came across something very meaningful(:

What LOVE means to me?

Real love is more than beautiful flowers and sweet words, more than candlelight dinners or romantic walks in the park.
Real love is understanding through difficult times, caring past the disagreements.
It is laughing together when things are good or laughing together to keep from crying when things couldn't seem to go more wrong.
Real love shows compassion and compromise... and forgives and forgives and forgives.
Real love is everything we share together.
Because to me, real love is, and always will be, you.
I will cherish you my love.

2009-10-16T21:04:00.000-07:00

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

I believe one day I can erase you from my heart and my mind.
I will not let you affect my life and my emotions anymore,
and I can live a happier life without you.
Never again will I go chasing memories of the past.

2009-10-06T05:08:00.000-07:00

WORD OF THE DAY!
courtesy of bones (:

Enervating
Making you feel weak

2009-10-06T04:56:00.000-07:00

I have decided to increase my vocabulary!
Because it is sadly lacking in nice big words that you can throw around
and people have no idea what you mean!
so to help myself,
Valerie Lim is adding a new dimension to this blog!
WORD OF THE DAY/WEEK
depending on how free I am!

And because my i need to encourage myself to read the bible more!
I shall have a bible verse of the day! (:

and finally because I like pictures!
picture of the week ! (:

2009-09-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

for some absurd reason,
Scandals, matchmaking they just don't interest me anymore

2009-09-26T06:11:00.001-07:00

Things to do:
-Ice cream buffet(:
-HALLOWEEN at Night Safari(:
-Study MSO and MMS

For the past few weeks, I was feeling too emotional and troubled. Thank you dears for being there for me(: I am over it. Now I am going to focus on my studies. I am quite satisfied with my results this time round, but I am going to work even harder for my MSO and MMS. I am also looking forward to HALLOWEEN at the Night Safari!!(: I am so excited and scared at the same time! haha. Thank You baby!(: All your actions and all the little things you have done for me made me realise how much you love me. I love you too baby. No matter how tough life is going to be, I want you to know that you have me and I have you, we will make it through(:

2009-09-18T03:16:00.000-07:00

Booth: here we are, all of us basically alone separate creatures just circling each other, all of us trying to find the slightest hint of a real connection, some people look at the wrong places, some just give up hope because in their mind, oh there’s no one out there for me, but all of us we keep trying over and over again. Why? Because every once in a once, every once in a while, two people meet and there is that spark and yes bones, he’s handsome and she’s beautiful and maybe that’s all they see at first. But making love, making love that’s when two people become one.

Brennan: It’s scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.

Booth: Yeah but what’s important is we try, and when we do it right we get close

Brennan: To what breaking the law of physics?

Booth: Yes. Bones a miracle.

Bones season 3 episode 3
the first time I think a drama serial tackled the issue of sex
(and how it has been degraded to something that is just an act)
and gotten it right.

ARENA.

2009-09-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

I was at the eye doctor's and so out of boredom
I picked this up to read
the following is an abstract from the Arena Magazine

What (Real) women want:

Gender equality does not apply to the rules of dating. But you don't need to pay all the time- we modern women- have egos to satisfy too.
If your looking to catch my attention, flash a friendly smile- nobody want to talk to a sulker
Bling should be kept to a minimum unless it is of sentimental ornament from anyone but your ex!
There's no need to for you to constantly replace sports rims on your Toyota- face it , it'll never be a Ferrari
A pair of well groomed eyebrows makes a whole lot of difference. Unibrows are not cool.
Shave. Otherwise your not going to get that goodnight kiss.
Shirts embellished with tiny flowers prints are for cowboys in Lee Ang films. Not real men.
If you need somebody to run your errands all the time, get a domestic helper. If you want somebody to obey your every command. get a dog.
A subtle musk can be very alluring, just as long as it doesn't become an odour
A perfect date should have a pinch of surprise loaded with heaps of fun and laughter. Anything else is just an embellishment.

When I read no. 8 I started laughing,
but I think no. 10 makes sense.
who knew men's magazine were so funny?

2009-09-16T05:14:00.000-07:00

This is what I have been obsessed with recently.
And well the Heath Ledger bit,
I can only say the way in sang that song (can't take my eyes off you) has been
making me listen to it non stop since a few weeks back. (:

2009-09-15T04:49:00.000-07:00

We make our lives out of chaos and hope. And love
- Angela Montenegro

2009-07-25T08:30:00.001-07:00

THIS IS NOT EVEN REMOTELY FUNNY.
I DON'T LIKE IT ):
MAKE IT DIFFERENT!
MAKE IT CHANGE!

music with god (:

2009-07-12T07:56:00.001-07:00

While I was at SDYD spiritual prep
this thought came to me about how everyone fits into God's plan.
We are all like keys on a piano,
some of us are sharps, some of us are flats.
and some of us are naturals.
BUT we all combine to make a beautiful piece of music.
So yes we do get out of tune sometimes,
but we have god to tune us back!
In that same way,
when we lose our way in the dark we have god to bring us back
to the light! (:

So maybe its just time that people stop looking at how different we are,
and see how we are all made to fit into this great big plan that God has for all of us.
And we should not look at the flaws we have whether it is ,
that we belong to the flats/sharps/naturals group.
We all have a part to play.
after all if we missing one of the sharps,flats or naturals
the music would be different,
it would not be as complete as it should be

so now is the time to stop looking at the bad.
stop looking at me myself and I
and look at God.
See his fantastic plan.
and relish that we are all part of it.
we are all his children.
and he would want us to love each other
because every parent wants to see their children be close,
be loving to each other.

So love.
because that is the greatest gift god has given us.
Love.

2009-07-11T23:47:00.000-07:00

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."
John 11

Dear cousin,
I wish that we could have had more time to spend together with you,
I wish that we had met up more often.
But I can't change certain things.
So here's to tell you.
that you will be dearly missed.
for your facial expressions at the blackjack table during chinese new year,
(which always made you lose!)
to your version of living on the prayer.
and even your confession of your fear of cockroaches.

thank you for the joys you brought to us every time we met.
I will miss you

What truly matters

2009-07-09T06:36:00.000-07:00

There comes a time where we meet a dead end,
the question we ask ourselves is how do you find the U turn
or do you simply stop trying.
stop looking and give up.
Because the amount of strength it takes,
you don't think you have it.

silence is golden sometimes

2009-07-09T04:44:00.000-07:00

I didn't really need a solution that you came up with,
I didn't want one.
I just wanted someone to listen to me.
Someone to just tell me it's going to be okay.
Not have this huge disagreement on your solution.
Is it so hard to just listen?

or maybe i'm just too tired and my patience has been stretched too much

2009-07-05T00:42:00.000-07:00

Be Satisfied With Me, by St Anthony of Padua

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united
With Me alone,
Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning,
Stop wishing,
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing,
One that you cannot imagine.
Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I Am.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That's all.
Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look at the things you think you want;
You just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then when you are ready,
I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any
You could dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until
The one I have for you is ready
(I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time),
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that
Exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your
Relationship with Me,
And to enjoy materially and concretely
The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love
That I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love utterly.
I Am God.
Believe it and be satisfied.

2009-06-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

I CAN'T BREATHE BUT I HAVE TO
can you totally tell I am drowning in my assignments?!
and I am blogging.
oh wells

Melancholy descents

2009-06-12T05:42:00.000-07:00

If today I told you, I would like to leave. Would you follow me?

If Today I told you, I might be in love with you. Would you love me back.

If today I got hurt and need someone to pick up the pieces for me, would you be that one.

If today I got tired, and could not continue walking, would you carry me?

My if today’s can carry on till forever.

And I could continue wondering and wondering.

But how does that matter.

Because while walking this road I realized,

It’s okay.

I’m going to be okay.

I don’t need to depend on you.

I can depend on myself,

And know that I can pull through on my own.

And right now that’s all that matters.

in love with words

2009-06-11T23:05:00.000-07:00

new blogskin (:
I realised that I have gotten quite hooked on people's poetry and poems
and all sorts of nice pretty writings.

2009-06-06T03:45:00.000-07:00

Please don't let this be real.
I know I am wrong. I will change.
I am heartbroken.

2009-06-05T16:40:00.001-07:00

I realized while reflecting at charis yesterday,
that of all the things in the world,
only God will satisfy me the way I want to be satisfied.
because he knows how to do it.

Whether it is love, work or just a moments peace
he can grant them all.
Thank you god for reminding me that
even in my darkest times, you are there
and that through you I will always have the joy of the Lord (:

after all perfect love casts out all fears.
So i'm not afraid Lord because I have you.
And I know I will always have you.

2009-06-03T17:44:00.000-07:00

" you can save her" He told me,
I stared at her, my beautiful friend who was staring out at the windows blankly.
Maybe it would be more appropriate to say once beautiful friend.
She was so lively, so happy- bursting with joy.
He stared at me, hoping i would say yes,
hoping I would reach out my hand and pull out this drowning friend.
but i knew that i could not,
I could not repair the damage caused by someone else.
" No, I can't." I said sadly, " I can't"
" Dammit! your her best friend, will you abandon her like this?" He shouted angrily
" I can't because , i did not damage her, you did.
She loved- loves you you, but you took her heart, and every single part of her along with it and ripped it up,"
I told him with tears in my eyes
" and left her, this empty shell of who she is.
and now you want me to save her, bring back to life the girl you robbed of everything.
Well I can't. "
He wanted to scream at me, shake me.
" It's not like i haven't tried' i told him when i saw him shaking with anger.
" I have tried for as long as she has been with you,
I have tried to put back the bits and pieces of her that she has given to me over the years.
But it doesn't work that way.
You made her this, you and you alone.
Nothing anyone else does can save her until you realise what you have done.
And let her go."
This is all I can do for you, I told her silently, as I watched her stare at the scenery with those lifeless , blank eyes.
I hope it is enough for you to one day find the way back to life

2009-06-03T06:02:00.001-07:00

VALERIE LIM
WILL STOP DOING ULTRA STUPID THINGS
KDMNSIOGKMSGH;LGT,SG

2009-05-30T06:14:00.000-07:00

The long awaited Great Singapore Sale is here!! Angel Dear, Jo Dear, let's go shopping!(: I have to plan my shopping list and at the same time TRY to save some money. I had a spendid day today, had buffet lunch at ParkRoyal Hotel with Deardear and family to celebrate his birthday. The ambience there was perfect and the food was fabulous. Yummy. I loved the very fresh tiger prawns, chocolate prata, the cute little dessert cakes and THE CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN!!(: THE CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN is my second lover. haha. How I wish It was mine(: Eat eat and eat, I have to start losing some weight, play badminton more often, at least once a week and start on my assignment which is going to be due soon. Difficult assignment, nobody has ever gotten an A for that assignment and our lecturer doesn't even want to look at our drafts and give us comments. Oh man. Nevermind, I will try my best. Okay, off to watch Boys Over Flowers(: haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEARDEAR and thanks for the treat!(: lovelove.

2009-05-26T05:43:00.001-07:00

" I tried so hard because I love you" She said desperately.
" But I took away your choices!
I made you stay home instead of going off to college.
You had children insteading of spending a year in Europe.
There's always been a part of me
that thought I ruined everything for you because I hated Sydney so much,
because I hated that you loved her and not me.
I hated it so much I had to go and seduce you.
And I ruined all your plans.
I've been trying to make it up to you everyday since"

" My God, Emma.
You didn't take away my choices.
I chose you"

Garden spells- Sarah Addison Allen

Women do stupid things for love
and think too much.

2009-05-12T06:49:00.000-07:00

people watching 110509

it was a really simple action,
of him staring at her while she was sleeping.
She would never react to him because she was well. Sleeping.
but that didn't seem to affect how intrigued he was.
every few minutes he would look away and appear to be looking around the bus.
and then he would get pulled back by his fascination of watching her sleep.
and then it came to me,
then well that's love.
when you only have eyes for one person
and nothing else holds your interest as much as she/he does.
when you can stare at him/her and never feel like you belong there
while the rest of the world looks at you,
sees the intensity of your stare and feels uncomfortable
when their not the ones being stared at.
And you don't care because you never want the moment to end.
love.
when the big things are the small things.

2009-05-05T09:05:00.000-07:00

can I now readily admit,
that no I do not admire you in the least bit,
you words and looks are often twisted with another hidden meaning
why should I have to be the target practice for you
just so that you can cover up those nasty, ugly flaws
that you hide and believe the world cannot see.

no I don't admire you,
in fact I hate you,
there its right there in black and white
i don't really care anymore,
say what you what
do what you what.

Let the world fall in love with you double meanings behind every sentence
let the world be fooled by your fascade,
i don't care anymore
you don't fool me
not now,
not tomorrow,
not ever.

hate is easy when it comes to you
they say there's a thin line between love and hate
welcome baby
cause you just crossed the line.

admiration and respect can be gained with a good first impression
what's harder is keeping up your fascade that keeps the world at bay.
i'm waiting,
i'm waiting for the day
your mask that hides all your insecurity,
all your flaws gets torn away.
and you can finally feel the pain
the pain that you have decided to inflict on others
because you cannot take the blow.

am i being mean?
not really
cause like i said
welcome baby
you just crossed the line

and now it doesn't matter anymore
because the line has been crossed
and you can't and won't go back
at least not in my mind

2009-05-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment.

I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.

You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.

- pride and prejudice

I swear, I seem to have once again fallen into this pride an prejudice mood again.
(:

darcy's story
old friends and new fancies
the darcy connection

2009-04-11T14:47:00.000-07:00

I haven't slept the whole night because well i'm at a sleepover.
and sleepovers normally do the exactly the opposite of their name.
you stay awake.

so here I am blogging at this time with no sleep,
so forgive me if this post is all over the place.

easter vigil was eventful,
in the sense that it was a really really good homily,
alot to think about,
in the sense of direction,
my actions in life
who i am as a person.

will continue when i have my notes and brains with me

2009-04-09T17:30:00.000-07:00

I guess it came as a revelation that I really need.
How I have let myself take control of everything.
And forgotten to put god as my center.
How in the midst of wanting to be in the center,
in the midst of wanting and craving love,
I lost sight of who I am,
Who God wants me tobe.

Does it feel like everything is spiralling out of control.
very much yes.
and i'm tired of trying to take control and make everything work my way.

2009-04-02T05:06:00.000-07:00

Nineteen years ago, your mother carried you in her womb,
if she had gone to a doctor and told him,
I don't want this baby,
you would not be in this room having confession.
That in itself is an act of love.

something that the priest told me yesterday,
and it stunned me,
for one reason.
My coming into this world was due to an act of love.
But how do I treat others in this world?
after being given such a gift,
do I give back to the world the same love that I was given?

it will be something difficult I admit,
but it's something that i would like to be able to achieve.

2009-03-20T09:02:00.000-07:00

If I did have an honest — or dishonest — desire to kiss just one or two people, I might — but I couldn’t want to — my mouth is yours.
~Zelda Fitzgerald

should I draw you the picture of my heart it would be what I hope you would still love though it contained nothing new. The early possession you obtained there, and the absolute power you have obtained over it,leaves not the smallest space unoccupied..
~Abigail Adams

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments.
Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown,
although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool,
though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
-Shakespeare

I’m no longer looking for my prince.
I’m looking for the princess that’s inside of me.
I want it to reign, and take root in my heart.
I realised that I’ve been searching for the wrong adventure.
The excitement and passion doesn’t last.
And I wonder why?
It’s the wrong adventure.
I’ve been searching for validation from Adam.
When I should be getting my answer from God instead.
How incredibly naive and stupid I was!
-eunice catherine

It's doesn't make sense does it?
three rather famous love letters/poems
and one blog post from a girl saying that
she was looking for the wrong adventure.
her adventure- finding her prince.
to be honest, who doesn't dream of having a prince charming sweep you off your feet?
but looking at those love letters,
i wonder if love had just become something that everyone seeks
not something that you find in yourself to give
not only to others but also to yourself
loving yourself,
easier said then done.

but i'm going to try.
i'm going to let go of the pretty dreams of that one guy
who knows all the right things to say
all the right things to do
and start to focus on becoming the best I can be
and believe that if it is in God's plan
to find that one guy,
I will meet him one day.

love.
maybe i just had the wrong perception the whole time.

2009-02-03T05:06:00.000-08:00

I feel truly silly for caring
But that's who I am.
So i shall just continue to believe in you
and believe that God will make a way for you.

on the subject of God,
after much reflection and blog surfing.
I decided to make a commitment to God for this whole year. ( well 11 months to be exact)

God I'm going to surrender this whole year to you,
that everything I do may be with your guidance and what is your will.
I may not have the strength to do this always and all the time,
but stay with me and give me the strength.
Because in you, even my weakness will be strengths.
(:

2009-01-28T23:39:00.000-08:00

random scribbles

we're standing in the middle of a crowded hospital,
the quarrel seems to be getting bigger.
" You can't expect me to stand here and just wait"
" it's not possible. I don't want to know that while your only a few meters away from me
I'm losing you."
"Anything can go wrong in there." she insists
" I rather be inside there risking my life and know that no matter what your safe outside" I say
" and i would rather know that no matter what we're doing this together." She says
" I can't live without you"
And that's how we end up next to each other in an operating theater.

2009-01-23T20:25:00.000-08:00

This semester for a module we are supposed to write a book on any disability for children.
I learnt so much from this just being part of the process,
the interview, the coming up with the words.

I read a book once that having a child with special needs is like getting on an airplane for a trip. You think you are going to Venice, but then the stewardess tells you have landed in Holland. Well, you can spend your time crying for the gondolas, or you can get out and enjoy the windmills. It’s not quite what you had expected, but it is beautiful all the same.
-Denise Brodey

Another thing people often forget when we look at children/people with special needs is that they have thier own unique abilities.
the one thing that really struck me the most while doing this book on down sydrome,
was how these people have such dreams that they are going to be able to do this and that.
and us average normal human beings who have that capacity to be able to live our dreams
often don't have dreams or don't believe we can make our dreams come true.
sad isn't it

2009-01-18T18:21:00.000-08:00

Val's in a fluffy mood (:
I found two sweet poems from Sammie's blog
I'm stealing them just so you all can read them too.

You’re in breach.
She said.
You promised to call.
(although no consideration was given at all).
So I said,my dear,
it was only an invitation to treat,
as you can see,
there’s no way our minds could meet.
I was waiting to offer you
a chance to go out.
And then after to decide,
what our contract was about.
She asked: What are our remedies
If this contract ends?
Will we be strangers,or continue as friends?
To that I replied,
(as reasonably as can be),
that there are certain terms,
implied to me.
Although its not stated,
Not exactly express,
I shall still say it to put your mind at rest.
This party will never,
be in breach.
And he promises love
to both parties,
each.

My Unfinished Poem
My poem is, by nature,
my very own.
My thoughts yearn to make my words
their very home.
So if you were my poem,
It means that,you are mine.
Except words could not
describe what is
so divine.
And if you were my poem,
it should mean to say,
once you are written,
you are in my heart to stay.
But If by writing, I must finish
whatever I begin,
then I hope that my poem,
will never end.

2009-01-17T04:52:00.000-08:00

100 God Moments of 2008

I read Eunice's blog, and I was so amazed by what she wrote on how she could feel god in the simplest things. So I decided that before I start my assignment, I'm going to thank and remember God for all the times he has blessed me in the year 2008

Teaching catechism every Saturday
Talking about the Our father and realizing what it truly means
Singing in the choir after not appearing for a while
Reading and singing the hymn people of god
Doing bible verses cards for Jo
Every single time i visit TTSH and my medicine dosage is lessen
Going for World Youth Day
All those prayer meetings we had before World Youth Day
Listening to the talks at WYD
Listening to John Angotti play and sing P & W
Listening to the words of Common Ground
Being able to buy that WYD Jacket
Hearing Through Christ when I was feeling low ( at that time I had never had this song)
Esther talking to me about trials in life
Mummy encouraging me when I felt like giving up
Daddy for his endless messages on what time we come home and how (it reminds me you care)
People telling me that I am very home bound ( reminds me that my family is important)
Finding that quote on families and realizing how much it relates to mine
Baking mummy's surprise cake
Having a sense of peace while conducting my lessons
Singing at midnight mass
Shopping for Christmas
Opening Christmas presents as a family
Having all those people who didn't know what was going on in my life come and give me unexpected and really helpful advice
Going for Monday and Friday Charismatic
Getting a part time job
Getting back my results and doing better then I expected
Mummy and Daddy telling me that they are proud of my results
Going for P & W workshop
Getting reaffirmed to be a worship leader
Facilitating Secondary 3 Camp
You writing that letter after camp ( it meant so much to me that you were willingly to open up to us)
Watching the Primary 2's take Holy Communion
Listening to Jesher Do the reading
Watching Julian and Jesher sing the Psalm
Seeing the smiles of the children when I walk into the center
That certain little girl and how her face lit up when she saw me
Two different little boys showing me in different ways that they had let me into their world.
The children wanting to hold my hand
Hearing the children call for me very happily
Seeing your improvement after my long absence from the center
Passing my supervision even though I know I should ave failed (Thank you God!)
Meeting up with Twin
Meeting up with Jo and Angel dear and talking
Every single time the bus comes when I'm running late
The traffic lights that just miraculously turn green all the time
God telling me that he will never forsake me
Meeting the Monday Charismatic people, you give me endless encouragement
Meeting the CTK Charismatic people, I learnt that having faith doesn't mean that you become a different person
Talking to Teacher Brendan
Listening to Alicia Sing
Watching Sisterhood of the traveling pants 2
Every single time I wake up in the morning
Going through the Jesus Letterbox while I pack up
Making new friends
Reading elephant in the playroom
Reading my sister's keeper
Singing trading my sorrows
Every single P & W session that I am at
Every single time we practice for P & W
Every single time I lead worship
When people open up to me and talk about how they feel
Buying those two books that I have wanted since forever
Walking on the road and listening to P & W music
When people smile when I smile
Seeing char's nephew smile at me
Seeing Anastasia in her mad moods
Playing the water drinking game
Finding out Charlene has suitors ( Every moment that I am happy means God is there!)
Getting the confirmation from God to go for WYD
Writing my stories
My inspiration for lesson plans
Coming home and seeing my parents cooking dinner
Getting a special pen for Christmas
My 18th Birthday surprise!
Planning surprise parties ( I will never forget Bona's shocked expression)
Looking at the facebook photos of WYD
Confession at WYD
Quiet time
When mummy reminds me she loves me
Making strawberry hearts for the Cat. Class party
When the P2 children when for confession
Going to Vietnam and going through those tunnels
Interviewing Gavin
Writing the Down syndrome book
Realizing that children with special needs love so wholeheartedly
Getting Hana Yori Dango the Final for Christmas
Every time I need direction and I open the bible
Listening to colors of the wind and really listening to the words for the first time
Hugs during Charismatic
Going for Day of Fun
Writing songs about God
Reading different people's blogs
Listening to Esther Talk
Playing with the children at the playground
Finding that storybook for children about God
Crying and people giving me hugs
Giving people presents
Going shopping with the girls
People turning to me when they need someone to listen to them

Who knew it would be so hard,I'm really really sure there are more, I should start recording them more often

the past.

2009-01-14T07:44:00.000-08:00

you know what. I really hope if one day I ever see you again, my heart won't beat so fast at the sight of you. Sometimes I do miss you and I really feel like calling you, but I just can't do it. I feel afraid but I never ever regret knowing you, letting you into my life and being part of me. You will always occupy that special place that I hold dear in my heart. I will always love you and I hope you are doing fine.

2009-01-14T03:18:00.000-08:00

i feel like time is moving too fast
i can't seem to finish anything on time
I'll admit it
i'm stressed!

2009-01-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

It's a start of a new year
I NEED to be STOP daydreaming
living in my own little pretty world
BE more disciplined!

2009-01-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

I want to be more independent, I realised I can be very dependent on others which is bad. The year 2008 seem to pass very quickly, It feels that I have wasted a year just like that. I really regret not studying enough for my MMS paper. I don't wish to repeat this mistake ever again. One regret is more than enough. When will I ever wake up? To STOP PLAYING all the time and START STUDYING. When will I ever cultivate the habit to stop studying on a last minute basis? I know this is not easy but I will work hard. I am going to be 19 this year. I am not young anymore. I have to know what I want in life. I hope I can learn driving soon!(:

I want to move on. let it be history.

2008-12-31T23:44:00.000-08:00

This is the period of time where the assignments have
seriously reached their peak.
And half your brain says throw in the towel and forget about it
the other half refuses to fail and keeps nagging you to keep going even though you really really have no clue what in the world you are doing.

and the worst part is
you really feel that no matter what you are still going to fail

2008-12-12T22:42:00.000-08:00

Maybe it was the way the scene was set up infront of her, that made her heart break.
To others, the man standing there, was, is a failure. They saw nothing but the monsterous rage that ran through him everytime he was angry. They only saw the shattering of the things he broke in his anger. What they did not see. She did. The breaking of his fragile heart, again and again.

It came as no suprise to her, that she wrapped her arms around him, wanting - hoping to keep him away from all the pain and hurt he was feeling. Let him feel safe in the arms on her embrace , just take him away from all of this, keep everything that was threating to overthrow him at bay.

'If I could take this all away, I would. I want to save you from what is tearing you apart.'
He heard her thoughts, he saw it in her eyes. But he would never take up that offer she was giving him.

He would, one day, save himself. He needed to.

And all she could do now, was hold him, let him take refuge in her arms for a while. Until he finaly saved himself.

That was what she would do, wait for him to need her again.

2008-11-13T02:47:00.000-08:00

sometimes speaking too much on one topic
makes a person who decides to help out
pull out even more

what can I say,
sometimes people are stupid that way

2008-11-05T04:45:00.000-08:00

Dear friend of mine,

There are times when we feel like we're lost in the dark and there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel. Whether it is because we fail to see it, or we choose not to see it. Believe me when I tell you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, there is a way out of this madness that surrounds you. I know, I really do because I'm in that tunnel with you, I don't see the light. But I believe that there is a light. And maybe we are just looking in the wrong direction.

Or maybe, we fail to see what this darkness that surrounds us really is, for isn't it through times of trial that we are moulded to be who we are. Troubles times, that we grow. So maybe this period of darkness, is giving us a chance to grow, to reflect to find ourselves and believe in who we are.

Because if we don't believe in who we are, there is no one out there who can say anything that will make a difference.
we make that difference, we choose to believe in who we are.

so take a chance on that darkness, take a chance on that tunnel that you are in right now.
Reflection, grow, become who you are meant to be.

love

2008-11-02T06:59:00.000-08:00

why its simple really,

because with every person I meet,

I give a part of my heart away.

And unknowingly unwittingly and unfortunately

gave that special piece of my heart away.

And no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get it back

Something I thought of for one of my hopelessly back dated stories.

2008-10-19T16:09:00.000-07:00

Mummy's wise words
Valerie do you ever go into anything alone?
He is always with you, just surrender all of it to him.
And he will make it work.

Perfect/indigo96

2008-10-15T00:49:00.000-07:00

perfect/indigo96

He was just too perfect, Machi thought as she worked on some papers.
Sure, all the other times she saw Yuki he was attractive, but she could tell from whatever he was doing that he was flawed.
With him just sitting there, looking at a paper, it was impossible to tell that he had imperfections.
Yuki’s shiny, strangely silver-ish hair fell elegantly around his face, framing is smooth, unblemished skin. His long eyelashes were lowered and fanned out, like butterflies kissing his cheeks. Yuki’s eyebrows were knit together in concentration, and a pencil gently tapped on his pouted lips.

It was infuriating! Do something! Machi screamed telepathically.
Yuki, unfortunately, could not hear. He blinked, and his eyelashes kissed his cheeks once more. It was one thing to tear apart a neat room and break chalk to dust, but she couldn’t just start punching him. And she certainly didn’t want to, either. What to do?

Before she could even think, Machi jolted up. Her chair made an abrupt scraping sound, and Yuki looked up.
“Is everything all right?” he asked.
Machi did not acknowledge that she had heard him say anything, but that didn’t bother Yuki- he was used to it.
She walked towards his desk, and stopped once she reached it.
“Yes?” Yuki asked.

Machi frowned, bent over, and kissed him roughly. To her surprised, he kissed back. She pulled away, red as a beet.
“Why’d you do that?” she asked.
Yuki was blushing, too, and it wasn’t pretty. His face was a splotchy red and his eyes were wide.
“Really, Machi, I should be asking you that.” Yuki choked, “You started it.” As soon as the words escaped his mouth, he couldn’t believe he said something so childish. I have got to stop doing that.

Machi’s face contorted into a look of annoyance. “You were too perfect,” she snapped.
“What?! How does that make sense?! I’m not perfect.”
“I know! You always look like Yuki when you’re up and doing something, but when you’re just sitting there…ARGH!”
Yuki stared blankly at her. “I really don’t follow.”
“You’re too attractive when you’re just sitting around! I had to dosomething about all that perfection, it was driving me insane!”
“So you kissed me?”
“It makes sense. Someone as imperfect as me should be able to blemish your perfection.”
“Oh,” Yuki murmured. He glanced up at Machi, fuming silently. “Well,” he cleared his throat,

“Feel free to make me imperfect as often as you like.”

what can I say
fluff makes me happy

2008-10-14T23:20:00.000-07:00

Jamie: Is it because she was kissing Uncle Skills?
Nathan: You knew about that?
Jamie: Yeah, they tried to pretend he was getting something out of her eye but they were just being mushy.
Nathan: And how does it feel to be scarred for life?
Jamie: Fine. I like Nanny Deb and I like Uncle Skills so what if they like each other?
Nathan: It’s a little more complicated than that. Nanny Deb is also my mom.
Jamie: Yeah, but I let you kiss My mom.
Nathan: -Pauses- Eat your soup.

2008-09-20T06:56:00.000-07:00

what i have learned this holiday so far
1. working is not fun
2. a relationship with god is a two way thing, you have to do your part for it to work
3. i let the light change me, and now i don't want that change to stay
4. the fullness of life is in god
5. writing in caps is not all that cracked up as it seems
6. i miss just being me
7. happiness is a choice, and today and everyday on I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.

this few months have been crap,
it's been tiring, like there was no light at the end of the tunnel
yesterday, someone said this.
"I know god loves me because he shows his love for me in the small things. It could just be that today is so hot so hot so hot. And at the end of the day he sends a gentle breeze to cool me down"

And i finally realized that yes this few months have been dry, but i have not done my part in my relationship with god. I haven't spent time with him , in fact I've been running away from him.
and today's gospel just hit me on how people grumbled that they got the same pay as the workers who came later. Even though they got the pay that god promised them. And why should they be envious that he is generous. And it came to me that maybe i was upset with god because i felt that people who got to know him later got the same gifts and love that he showed me.

so indeed why should i be envious that he is generous? After all, the time that i have spent with him is longer and so much more and these times are something that they cannot rewind and get for themselves and yet here i am being unwillingly to share.

dear lord,
I pray that today, tomorrow and every other day,
i remember that you may have new children every day
but that I am still special to you
and that no matter what you willl always love me.
That i will not be selfish and not want you to touch their lives
and like you have touched mine.
And that i always remember it is for your glory.
Always your glory.
Amen.

2008-09-14T08:52:00.001-07:00

I miss my angel dear and jo dear!
hope we can meet up on tuesday night and have dinner together(:
i miss all the fun and laughter we have!
i love you guys!(:

I have loved you all along and i miss you, been far away for far too long.i am so silly to feel like this again, i shouldn't.

2008-09-06T08:53:00.000-07:00

Chuck: Please don't leave with him,

Blair: Why? Give me a reason... and "I'm Chuck Bass" doesn't count.

Chuck: 'Cause you don't want to.

Blair: That's not enough.

Chuck: 'Cause I don't want you to.

Blair: That's not enough.

Chuck: What else is there?

Blair: The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car. Three words. Eight letters. Say it... I'm yours.

Chuck: I... I ... [pause]

Blair: Thank you. That's all I needed here.

what can I say,

I happen to love this pairing a bit too much.

2008-08-28T05:24:00.001-07:00

once a upon a time, there was a girl.

She lived in a place where she was surrounded by smiles, hugs.

There was no such thing as tears, sadness, broken hearts in this place.

Her whole life, she only knew happiness, love.

Until one day, a stranger came to this place.

He told her about another place,

his tales made her dream about this strange world.

and then he asked her,

to go with him to this strange new world.

They always say the grass is greener on the other side.

She couldn't help herself, she had to see.

She had to know, curiousity got the better of her.

So she left, left her world where she had always been happy.

At first, she was happy,

She liked this new world,

everything was so strange,

so interesting.

And this stranger, became her best friend

Her love,

her reason for waking up in the morning.

And then it came,

that one rainy morning, when he left her

abandoned in this strange new world.

and for the first time,

tears fell from her eyes,

she could taste their saltness,

she felt overcome with sadness.

Her heart broken, torn, ripped to pieces.

She couldn't take it,

she left, when back to her safe world.

she left with a happy heart,

now she returns with a broken heart,

she returns only to find,

she can't find that happiness anymore.

it has left her.

even in this place where she always knew it.

2008-08-23T06:37:00.000-07:00

maybe i'm really really silly
maybe i'm thinking too much
maybe i'm being too sensitive
but i'm still upset
i hate all your opinions of who i am

i'm not this person who will bug you to drive me around
just because you have a freaking car
just in case you haven't noticed
i can walk

I don't like the way i feel so caged in
by how you view me,

Lord grant me faith
faith to believe that you will overcome all of this
I can't do this
I'm tired
Help me please
I just want to let go
I surrender

Lord have your way
Lord have your way with me
stir it up in our hearts lord
a passion for your name

2008-08-06T05:55:00.000-07:00

fruits basket
new found love(:

This is one of the times

where I actually like the main couple

and the three thousand other side couples(:

2008-08-02T05:27:00.000-07:00

This week i realised something, girls day out is a good time for sushi dates.seriously, its the best time to gossip,catch up on each other's lives.mindless wondering and hunger pangs=inspiration.

so here's a quick glimpse into my lastest story ending, if i don't edit it,

"the problem, is that you are constantly on my mind,every moment that I am awake,every breathe I take,every minute that I am living.But I don't know if your even thinking of me, so here it is, the truth,you are constantly on my mind. Every minute. Every day. Every moment. "

He gazed at the girl who had just spoken, without even turning to look at him,touched her cheek, and turned her face gently away from the endless miles of water that was in front of them, bringing his face close to hers, gazed at her eyes and said " the truth is, there is never a moment that i stop thinking about you, there is never a time that i don't want to hold you in my arms and never ever let go."

His lips brushed against hers gently, he pulled away, wrapped his arms around and kissed her head.

Always and forever, it was, is the perfect engraving for their wedding rings. She thought, letting the memories of them together play repeatly in her mind. She was in the midst of enjoying them when someone yelled, " the wedding car has arrived!"

always and forever,

always yours, now and forever.